Students in UCD are doing their best to convince Batt O’Keeffe to re-introduce college fees without further ado. A few weeks ago they pelted unsuspecting passers-by with snowballs, prompting complaints of unscholarly behaviour. Atticus now hears that a student living in Roebuck Hall, part of the college’s on-campus accommodation, has been evicted for hosting a “pool party”.

Of course, Roebuck Hall doesn’t have its own swimming facility, so the resourceful student installed a series of paddling pools in his flat, surrounded by miniature sand dunes, shells and crabs sourced from a nearby beach. A source tells Atticus that over 100 people crammed into Belfield-on-sea, all wearing beach-friendly apparel, naturally.

All was going swimmingly until someone set off a fire alarm while having a crafty pool-side fag with his pina colada. UCD said last week that the host has now been suspended. They should have made him clean up afterwards as punishment instead.

Only an April Fool would beleive tax exiles follow rules

The problem with practical jokes is that someone always takes the merriment too far. On April 1, several media outlets were so overcome by their rib-tickling wit that the jokes wore paper-thin. Sean Moncrieff’s two-and-a-half-hour Newstalk show was given over to the day’s mirth. The wise-cracking boffins at Astronomy Ireland revealed that cheese deposits were found on the moon. While the Kilkenny People, despite having a publication date of April 3, reported that two famous dolphins, Fungi and Flipper, had been spotted in the River Nore. Stop, you’re killing us. The best joke came courtesy of the normally sober Irish Times which claimed that tax exiles were to be fitted with electronic tags to monitor their presence in the state. Back in the real world Atticus asked Revenue last week what measures it is actually taking to monitor exiles and if any have been caught overstaying their welcome in Ireland. They answered that they have no reason to conclude that there have been any failures to comply with the rules to date. Now that’s really funny.

Believe it or not, Izevbekhai is in the RTE God slot

Quite why RTE has scheduled a programme on the curious case of Pamela Izevbekhai for its religious affairs slot tonight is a mystery.

But the title of the normally staid devotional fanzine, Would You Believe, has never had more provocative resonance. The saga of Izevbekhai’s fight for asylum has certainly moved in mysterious ways since the programme first appeared in the TV listings last month. Its makers were busy re-editing this weekend after securing a new interview with Izevbekhai, following her admission in The Sunday Times last weekend that she had used forged documents in her quest for asylum. But is the religious affairs series really the appropriate vehicle to probe such earthly matters? The station is already being forced to answer awkward questions about its coverage of the story after one of its reporters, Philip Boucher-Hayes, was duped into interviewing a “fake doctor” in 2005. This labyrinthine saga has no place on a holy show.

He's naked all right, but does that make it tax-exempt art?

The state may have to concede that Conor Casby’s arresting images of political figures, left, are of artistic merit if he takes advantage of the artists’ tax exemption scheme. Casby’s solicitor told Atticus his client intended to donate the two portraits of a naked taoiseach to a cystic fibrosis charity once the garda investigation was over. But what if he claims the exemption for his other portraits of Bertie Ahern, Michael McDowell et al? Revenue can hardly refuse. Amanda Brunker’s debut novel, Champagne Kisses, made the grade.

Grass roots

Sharon Shannon, the trad musician tells Hot Press this month that her favourite film is PS I Love You, the critically- slaughtered chick flick. She’s an unlikely rom-com fan, Atticus thought, until we remembered that one of her songs features on the soundtrack. The movie adaptation of Cecelia Ahern’s novel, starring Hilary Swank, may feature one of the worst Irish accents in celluloid history but it helped make The Galway Girl Ireland’s biggest-selling single last year. In other music news, the Corrigan Brothers seem to have difficult second single syndrome. Their new ditty, Here’s to the Grand Slam and Ronan O’Gara, is set to an identical tune (at least to this listener’s ears) as their last release, There’s No-one as Irish as Barack Obama. They may have discovered how to avoid being one-hit wonders — keep releasing the same song ad infinitum.

The Google Street View car was supposed to capture images of Dublin, Cork, Galway, Limerick and Waterford but has been sighted in rural Midleton, Co Cork; Carraroe and Spiddal, Co Galway; and Devil’s Glen and Roundwood, Co Wicklow. How will the bucolic valleys of squinting windows react to being caught on camera? They might take note of Broughton in Buckinghamshire where prickly villagers blocked the car entering the hamlet. Pitchforks at the ready.

A woman in Northern Ireland named Oonagh Nutt says her home has been overrun by grey squirrels. Nutt, from Moira in County Down, says the animals first came into her garden from an adjoining park six years ago, but in the last 18 months they got too close for comfort. “I thought it was lovely, I called one of them Hazel but then the next thing they’d got into the house,” she said. Mrs Nutt says the squirrels have caused serious damage: “They chewed through my roof, they tunnel through the cavity walls, go to the toilet in the attic . . .” Ian Woods of Lisburn city council said it was a growing problem.

—BBC Northern Ireland

A reality TV farmer has appeared in court. Liam Cunningham, of Churchtown, Ardagh Road, Newcastle West, is accused of the theft of four Holstein Friesian cattle, worth ¤2,160, from Sean Danaher at Killeline, Newcastle West on August 19, 2007 and the unlawful removal of ear tags. He is to undergo independent psychiatric assessment to establish his fitness or otherwise to be tried. Cunningham was one of the chosen contestants in the recent TG4 farm reality show Feirm Factor, which aimed to find the best young farmer in the country.

—The Limerick Leader

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